I'm a storyteller at heart so you might want to snuggle up in a cozy corner and clear your calendar for an afternoon, cause it's gonna be a long one folks.

Friday evening, February 3rd 2006 at 9:05 PM I found myself in my living room with my husband and brother-in-law. My brother-in-law, Rob, received a call on his cell phone from his mom letting him know that his grandfather, "Neenee" had passed away a few minutes ago in the hospital in Virginia. His spirit finally left his cancerous body. It was only an hour and forty-one minutes after that when I had my first contraction that told me labor had begun. Somehow Josh and I felt that the birth of our child would end up being strangely tied to the death of his grandfather and so it was.

We went to bed at 11:00 PM, realizing that sleep was the utmost of importance. I probably dozed off and on, if I slept any at all - I can't remember at this point - until 2:35 AM when I woke Josh, telling him that I needed his help. My contractions were spaced only five minutes apart from the very beginning. At 3:00 AM I called my midwife to let her know that we were definitely in labor. She encouraged us to eat something full of protein and get as much sleep as we could. I felt unable to sleep due to the intensity of the contractions so we opted for a very early morning breakfast.

· At 4:15 AM Josh and I ate eggs and veggie sausage links.

· At 6:00 AM we took some time to record a message to our unborn child on the video camera.

· At 7:05 AM I took a 40-minute sitz bath to try and relax.

· At 7:30 AM I had a cup of pregnancy tea to drink.

· From 8-10:00 AM I slept on and off.

· At 11:00 AM I ate some macaroni and cheese.

· My midwife called at 11:40 AM to let us know that she would be swinging by in 1 ½ hour to check my status.

· From 11:55-12:10 PM Josh and I took a walk around the neighborhood.

(Can you tell that this early in labor I was able to jot down notes of what we did?).

At 12:30 PM my midwife arrived to check me out. I was dilated to 4 cm! The baby sounded good and she even felt some hair on the baby's head. I was pleased to be dilated to a 4 at that point. My midwife then went on her way and at 3:30PM, Josh and I went for an outing to Berrybrook Farms for a veggie burger and a smoothie.

At 3:45 PM we went for a walk in Freedom Park. I called my friend Shelly while we were at the park to let her know that I was in labor and to cover for me that evening for we would be missing the engagement party of our two friends. When we got back home we watched a show on the history of football - Super bowl XL was the next day.

At 6:15 PM I took an Epsom salt bath soak and drank some more pregnancy tea.

At 6:45 PM we sat down to eat the dinner Josh had prepared - pasta with red sauce and a salad. I didn't feel like eating much at all. I remember thinking that I might throw this food up later. But I ate what I could before I felt nauseas from eating.

At 8:00 PM I drank some sweet, cool juice that my husband had sweetly prepared for me. I remember that some time that afternoon I called my midwife and asked her when I should call again. She said that I should call when I "turn a corner". I really didn't know what that would mean for us.

We got ready for an early bedtime and decided to sleep downstairs in our living room. I felt that I could take contractions better on the couch rather than the bed. It was easier for me to get up and turn over on my hands and knees, leaning on the couch arm, to take contractions than on the slippery sheets of our bed. I found that I enjoyed taking contractions on my hands and knees a lot.

We lay down and turned the lights low. It wasn't long before I told Josh that I couldn't handle the contractions anymore while we tried to doze. So we sat up together on the couch in the dark. At this point I remember things getting very emotional. Josh was sad about his grandfather dying, I was also sad but in a great deal of pain at that point. I didn't think we were going to make it if Josh couldn't be strong for me and temporary forget about the death of his "Neenee" and focus on the task at hand. We both cried. At that point I didn't know what else to do so I called my midwife at 10:30 PM and told her that I didn't know what to do. She said she would come. During all of this I was so relaxed and just taking it easy. I never worried about when the baby would come or how long it would take. I just remember thinking to take each contraction on it's own. I didn't realize it at that point, but when my midwife arrived at 11:15 PM she said I had turned a corner. My midwife and her assistant said we should get the birth pool filled up with warm water. "Already?", I questioned. I knew that you didn't want to fill up the birth pool too early in labor because the water would get cold before the birth, so the fact that my midwife said, "Yeah, of course, I think it's time", made me feel great, as if the birth could happen any moment, or at least before too much longer. This made me happy; I remember smiling at her statement.

I remember the pool taking a long time to fill up because we ran out of hot water. At 11:55 PM my contractions were 3 minutes apart. I enjoyed getting into the birth pool and feeling the intense warmth all over my body. But I didn't end up spending much time in it during my labor. I might have gotten in the birth pool 3-4 times total and never - probably - stayed in for longer than 20 minutes each time. Of course so much of this is a blur so I could be off on my estimates. I've since given it some thought and I believe the reason I didn't utilize the pool so much was because when I was in the pool my husband, midwife and assistant weren't fully with me like they were when I was on dry land laboring. I'm assuming they felt that the pain relief from the warm water was enough to keep me company. But I remember feeling alone while being in there, like no one was going through this with me. I felt most alone and desperate throughout that night.

It was Saturday night/early morning Sunday morning when it was dark and all the lights were off. A few candles were lit and everyone was attempting to doze off and get some sleep. I was encouraged to do the same but the pain was too intense for me at this point to do so. I spent some of this time in the pool but then got out to get on the bed. My midwife wanted me to attempt to lay down and try to sleep between contractions but I remember feeling like that was an impossible task. When my contractions would come I had to brace myself for them, preferably on my hands and knees. My contractions were coming so close together, I was so big, and it was too hard to get myself up and flip myself over on my hands and knees to take each contraction, so there was no rest for me.

In the early morning hours of Sunday I started getting the shakes really bad, my voice would even shake when I attempted to speak. Also at this point - 2:15 AM - I threw up the supper that I previously felt leery about eating. So, with the shakes and vomiting you can imagine - if you know anything about the "typical" labor progress - that I thought it was possible I was in transition. Everything I had ever read about the labor progress informed me that many women get the shakes and vomit during transition. I've even heard a story of one woman who always throws up and then her baby immediately comes. This is the point in which my midwife might recommend that my knowledge was getting in the way of allowing my body to follow natures course. Regardless of what I should have been thinking at that point the thought that I could possibly be near the end did cross my mind. The pain at this point was so intense I didn't think more pain was possible. And since I had been going at it for quite a long time, I felt it possible that I could be nearing the end.

At this point I had only been checked internally twice during my whole pregnancy - once, at 41 weeks to check for any dilation, and on Saturday when my midwife swung by to check my status. Apparently, says my midwife, my cervix is very posterior, so for her to get up there and check me was extremely painful. It took all I had to not scream out in pain; I would get hot and sweat. In the early morning hours of Sunday, February 5th my midwife suggested that she check me again. I really hated the thought of it so I said no. I knew that she had been with women before during their birth and had never checked them. I knew that she often just watches a woman laboring and knows enough to not have to check her cervix. I was hoping we could take that approach at this point since I had already been checked once during labor and it was excruciatingly painful. At this time I felt it helpful to sing through my contractions. At some point I vividly remember sitting downstairs on the birth ball and singing through my contractions - singing nothing imparticular, just some made up songs.

At 4:35 AM I finally agreed to allow my midwife to check my cervix. Since the only two times she'd ever checked me was while I was laying down and they were so painful, she offered to check me while I sat on the birth stool. I thought this an okay idea and fearfully sat on the stool. She checked me and spoke the most demoralizing statement that I heard throughout my entire labor. "You're dilated to a 6." . I was shocked and felt so sad. I knew the first time she checked me on Saturday around noon that I could have easily been 1 cm, or possibly nothing at all, but when I was a 4, I was so pleased. But then to realize that 16 hours later I had only progressed by 2 more centimeters! That was hard news to bear. If you haven't already gathered by this point in the story, if I had been at the hospital I would have been pressured to accept several interventions by now, and quite possibly that would have included a cesarean section.

I haven't mentioned yet but my midwife was checking the baby's heart tones very often and would always comment that she loved the heart tones. I was eating a banana and was checked again on the stool at 8:30 AM. And, according to my midwife's progress notes, was 8 ½ cm; however I remember her saying I was 8 cm. This was good news to me. I felt like 10 could be right around the corner. At 11:00 AM I was checked once more and was 8 cm (Remember that I thought I was 8 cm before and therefore hadn't progressed further. But according to my midwife's notes I went backwards ½ cm).

Sometime during the day on Sunday I remember things getting fuzzy. I remember everyone talking to me and me being unable to respond at all. I would stare a lot and was unresponsive. My thoughts on the matter are that I was so sleep deprived and this was causing my change in behavior. This may seem strange to hear, but I watched a report once on a sleep deprivation study where completely sane & healthy individuals were deprived of sleep for long periods of time and they exhibited signs of mental illness due to the lack of sleep. Remember at this time I have been awake - with the exception of a few moments of dozing here and there in early labor - since Friday morning, and now it's Sunday afternoon; that's 2 ½ days of no sleep. Anyways my midwife and her assistant had never seen anything like it in all of their years of experience. Her thoughts lead her to believe that there could be some connection between the sexual abuse in my past and the way I shut down. I am certainly open to this possibility and to the possibility that something extremely spiritual was going on. Nonetheless, I remember very little around this point and my husband remembers thinking I didn't know who he was. I think my midwife and her assistant didn't fully grasp how "out of it" I was until the day after the birth when I told her my rememberings and how little I was actually "there".

That cold Sunday morning my midwife and her assistant asked me to go for a walk with my husband outside. We bundled up and walked around the house before we came back in because it was so bitter cold. The wind blowing right through my clothes hit my bones and made my contractions all the worse when they came. Around 12 noon on Sunday I remember my midwife saying that I needed to try some new things. She made a lot of suggestions but I was unable to make a decision so my husband Josh made a decision to do a few contractions in a deep lunge. I remember the assistant and my husband physically putting me into the lunge and holding me there as my contractions came. This was probably the most painful experience of my labor. I also took some contractions in a squat and in a knee-chest position. I remember my midwife suggesting I also take some contractions sitting backwards on the toilet but I attempted one and it was too much for me so I got up. I remember thinking the hard toilet pressing into my bottom and legs intensified the pain. Right after all those different position changes my midwife suggested that I lay on my side and take a few contractions. It was maybe around 1:00 PM (also a note here: The timeline from my midwife's arrival has come strictly from her progress notes that she kept during my labor, by the time she arrived I was totally unable to think about the time or write anything down). I remember not wanting to lay down because they hurt more when I did so. like I couldn't handle them well in that position. But I laid down on my left side and things changed. I remember my midwife asking me how I felt, what I felt, what I felt my body telling me. I thought to myself "I don't know... but maybe to push?". So around that time I started pushing. This is where things are the most blurry and un-remembered for me. I know my husband was behind me supporting my upper body some but I also remember him beside me holding my hand during some of the pushing. After a few contractions when it seemed obvious that the baby was coming down the birth canal, I started pushing. I do remember after a few pushes having a glimmer of excitement inside of me, "I'm pushing my baby out. The baby will be here soon", I thought. I remember that I lost consciousness between each and every push. I was told later that I feel into a deep sleep between pushes. I was snoring some and even talked in my sleep. The only thing anyone could pick up was that once I said something about "giving someone her discount". I think this weirded out my midwife and her assistant quite a bit.

I remember that I pushed so hard, I used all the strength I had. I only remember the first few pushes and then, to be honest, I don't remember many of the others. Everyone yelling and screaming for me to push brought me "to" a few times. I was unable to open my eyes one of those times but I remember pushing hard and "coming to" because of their yelling. I remember my midwife saying that I was stretching beautifully and jokingly saying "Thank you Josh". (He had faithfully stretched my perineum every night - save a few - since 36 weeks). According to my midwife's notes sometime between 3:00 and 3:50 PM I stood, knelt, sat on the toilet and then the stool. However I don't remember any of this. I do remember once my midwife (and this could have been hours earlier, I have no idea) asking if I felt anything different. She mentioned I was taking my contractions differently - I was not making any noise during them anymore. Earlier I was making deep grunting and moaning sounds, as well as before that point in labor singing through them. I remember not wanting to talk but I told her something to the effect that I didn't think I could handle them, that I was afraid I was going to lose control unless I changed how I was coping. It turns out that my midwife was wondering if my progress was slowing and that could be why I wasn't making any noise. I do remember through some of the pushing - with the help of watching my birth video - that I made loud moans during the pushing while laying in the bed. These loud noises where my voice would tremble and I would almost cry are hard to watch on the video.

Around 4:15 PM I remember my midwife pushing on my abdomen and asking if it was tender or if it hurt - I said yes. Everything hurt at this point but it turns out she was pushing on my full bladder. I remember eating and drinking throughout labor. I was peeing wonderfully but I remember a time came when I was unable to pee any longer. I thought this weird. "Maybe my body is using up all of the water", I thought. Turns out my bladder was full. I do not remember this at all but I was told that she put in a catheter around that time and got 1 ½ cups of urine.

Around 4:45 PM I was back on my back in the bed with Josh behind me. I remember him and the assistant pulling/pushing my legs towards my head. This was so painful and I remember - and according to the video - not cooperating. At 4:53 PM my midwife clipped my bag of water and meconium came out with the water. My midwife said later that it was not extremely smelly, leading her to believe it had not been in there a long time. I remember at some point my midwife asking me to squat on the floor. I think they even attempted to put me in this position but I remember not being strong enough to support myself. So they put the birth stool under me and Josh sat behind me on the bed, supporting me with his legs under my arms. Watching the birth video I have even a clearer picture of what happened next. To note, before going to the birth stool I was on my hands and knees on the bed.. I assume I was pushing with each contraction but I was completely silent for the longest time.

After being on the birth stool for a while I let out this horrible yell. During the course of my yell my midwife snipped a small episiotomy. I do not know why I yelled out because I certainly was not "there" enough to have seen her getting out her scissors or anything. But nonetheless, when she cut me I "came to" for a moment. It hurt and stung so bad when she cut me.. I thought "what just happened?" for a moment. I remember looking up at her in horror when I felt the pain, and she looked back at me just as stunned as I was. It turns out - she later told me - that she didn't think I could possibly feel the cut since I was in so much pain. My midwife also explained later why she felt the need to give me an episiotomy. She said that I have what she has only seen one another time, what she calls, a "double perineum". I have an outer perineum and an inner perineum that she describes as iron clad. She said the inner perineum just wasn't budging. The only other episiotomy my midwife had performed was on another woman that had a double perineum. My midwife later asked me if I was a serious athlete to get such a perineum. After that - according to the video - she told me to push my baby out, but I was just blowing through my contractions.

A few moments earlier my midwife had attempted to get heart tones and only picked up a radio station. So she had wanted to get the baby out quickly. At that time she put her hands inside of me to pull the baby out. Funny as it is I don't remember feeling the pain of her putting her hands inside of me and pulling the baby out, only the cut. The episiotomy was very small but I tore to a 3rd degree tear when she went in after the baby, so you would assume that would hurt. When our baby came out my midwife unwrapped the cord from her neck.

After that what I saw next was as in a dream: A very warm, slippery wet baby was put on my chest and I reached out to hold the baby. I remember hearing "talk to your baby". On the video I say, "hey baby", as did my husband, and I just patted the baby. On the video my husband said, "Do you see who it is Callie?" I did not hear him during the actual moment. After a second or two of seeing the slippery baby on my chest - I do not remember patting her - I thought I fell into a deep sleep. However, according to the video, I delivered the placenta immediately and then my husband - with all of his strength, because I had none - lifted me onto the bed. My midwife told me to press on my uterus and she did the same. Apparently Josh had to hold my hands back because I was pushing her hands away. I remembered thinking it hurt. My midwife gave me something to control my bleeding. I feel into a deep sleep after this.

I was totally asleep but everyone was taking care of the baby at that point. The next thing I know is a while later I jumped up from the bed from being completely asleep to go to the bathroom. Everyone was shocked and tried to help me to the bathroom. My mama had gotten there about 20 minutes after the baby was born and walked me to the bathroom. Apparently my mama said something about me having the baby and I said, "Yeah, I'm gonna have a baby." - I had no idea that I had just given birth. I then remember being put into a warm bathtub and my mama washing me off. I remember looking all over my body, on my hands and in my fingernails, and just thinking, "Where did this blood come from?". (Everyone told me later that I was staring at all the blood on my hands and arms earlier while I was asleep, or just not mentally there, in the bed. I looked confused about where it came from).

Again there is a difference in what apparently happened and what I remember: My husband had our baby all wrapped up in his arms when my mother got there but didn't tell her whether the baby was a boy or girl because I didn't know yet. So while I was on the toilet Josh told me the baby was a girl but apparently I don't even remember that. And I suppose he noticed that I didn't respond to him so right afterwards when I was placed in the bathtub he told me again with tears of joy in his eyes. Then I realized I had given birth to our baby girl, Roen James Acuff. She was born at 41 weeks and 5 days weighing 8 pounds & 12 ounces, measuring 22 ¾ inches long. Shortly after that I got in the bed and my midwife checked me to confirm that I had a 3rd degree tear. I then fell asleep until about 12:30 AM the next morning, when I awoke to see her in the bed with us. Then I asked Josh and Mama questions about how everything went.

Things that I have later learned and thought of are the following: My midwife informed me afterwards that I have a platypoid pelvis (estimates vary, but apparently only 3-5% of women have this shape of pelvis). This means my pelvis is quite flat-shaped, very little room from front-to-back but plenty of room side-to-side. So it took Roen a longer amount of time to maneuver my pelvis because of its shape. Had I received care from an MD I could have very easily been diagnosed with cephalo-pelvis disproportion. If that had been the case - and we'll never know for sure - the MD might have insisted on a planned cesarean section. Even if I would have been "allowed" to labor at the hospital, my lengthy labor would not have fit into the neat time line that the hospital has "planned" for each laboring women. And not to mention that my laboring could have been even slower considering I would have been in a strange hospital room with personnel whizzing in and out, etc. You all know the things you often run into with a hospital birth.

Another thought I have through all of this is the pain I felt. In life, regardless of what is causing you pain, there is no way to know if the pain I feel is lesser or greater than the pain that another person feels. This is true also with labor pain. I wonder if the pain was so great that my body had to take me to "another place" in order for me to endure the process I was going through. I certainly don't think myself special or very different from the billions of women that have given birth throughout the centuries. Who knows, maybe my experience has happened to many. But in realizing that some women choose to transport to the hospital because the pain is so great for them, it makes me question if my pain was the same as their pain or even worse.

Another small thought is my tear. While healing from a 3rd degree tear is rough, rough also is the thought of what would have happened if I had been coherent enough to push her out. I will never know if I could have birthed her with little to no injury if in different circumstances.

With all of that in mind I have to say that I am glad I had my baby at home. I feel that God brought Josh and I down the path to desiring a homebirth because He knew what my path would have involved in the hospital - slews of interventions known all too commonly today. I could have been branded "the women whose pelvis is too small and will need repeated c-sections to birth her children". But by God's grace and goodness He lead us down a path to spare us from those lies. So when people ask if I'll have a homebirth again knowing how my experience was I let them know that I will always - with each birth - be prayerful and open to whatever path God has for us but I will always plan to have my babies at home.