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Convincing Your Partner
Convincing their partners is a major component for many women in their quest for a homebirth. Some women are blessed with partners that understand the importance that a birth at home will have on the baby and the mother-to-be. Other women have more of a challenge to win over their partners.
It is important to discuss your desires and concerns with your partner. If communication is already a problem in your relationship don't expect the topic of homebirth to go smoothly. Hopefully you will have a partner that listens attentively as your sell your point, but if you don't, don't despair.
Most men will probably think of the safety issue and may feel like a homebirth puts more responsibility on them. If your partner will agree to be educated on the topic, refuting the safety issue is not a problem." Your partner will be more responsible in a birth at home and that's a wonderful aspect that he may not appreciate right now. However, if you explain the role that the midwife will play at the birth and tell him how educated, professional and caring midwives are he will have more confidence to explore the topic further.
If your partner refuses to discuss this topic with you, you must decide how far you are willing to push for what you want. If you refuse to go to the hospital, then he will have to give in. You must think about the consequences this will have and if having a homebirth is worth it to your relationship.
Encourage debate! Although it may become heated, sometimes it takes a little conflict to get to the root of the issue. You may ask him to give you a list of the reasons that you should go to the hospital to have the baby backed by studies and you will make a list of the . If he will do this at least you will have something to argue about.
Whether you have a partner that's easy or hard to convince, educating him is a big step in having a more secure homebirth. You can direct him to this website and others. If he likes to read offer him a variety of books on the topic of homebirth and midwives. Some popular books are:
- Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
- Homebirth by Sheila Kitzinger
- Immaculate Deception II: Myth, Magic & Birth by Suzanne Arms
- Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper and Suzanne Arms
Visit a midwife together. Often the professionalism and knowledge of the midwife is all it takes to convince a skeptical partner or at least it will put him on the road to discovery.
Handling Friends, Family and the Little Old Lady
Pregnancy brings with it joy, excitement and all too often unwanted advice. So, when your friends, family and anyone else hears that you are planning a birth at home you may be bombarded with opinions.
The first step is to decide whom to tell. As a future homebirthing mama, (assuming this is your first homeborn) it's easy to want to tell everyone, if not to educate to at least shock them a bit. However, this can come back and bite you, so be prepared and think before you speak. If you tell the little old lady in the grocery store and she doesn't agree, no big deal you'll probably never see her again anyway. But, friends and family are another issue.
There may be great advantages to not telling your friends or relatives depending on your circumstances. You must consider if deceiving them will help or hinder your future relationship with them. Many parents just let the relatives assume what they'd like, never mention specifics about the pending birth, have the baby and then fill everyone in.
The advantages to this approach are that you don't have to be bombarded with negative suggestions and stories. If your family will be emotionally better off by not knowing, then not telling them would be to their advantages.
The disadvantages are that you will be lying and this may cause long-lasting problems in your relationship with your family. Also, if you need them during labor or birth it will be a lot harder to explain at that time.
If you do decide to tell your family you must be prepared for unwanted advice. But, isn't most advice unwanted? You can use this time to your advantage it might be exciting to educate your family each time you receive a negative comment or unfounded statistic. Many woman have endured 8 months of negativity about their homebirth from their family members to later be talked about endearingly as the one who "had her baby at home!"
The way to deal with unwanted advice is to either take it in stride and educate the adviser or come up with what you want to say, stick to it and say it again and again if necessary. "We've decided that a homebirth is best for our family." You may have to implement both strategies as well as others.
You can also deal with the agony of those who don't agree with your birth choice by surrounding yourself with women and families who do believe the way you do. You may be fortunate to have a homebirthing group in your community, but if not the Internet is another option.
Anyone at the forefront of change will be challenged. Let your decision to have a homebirth teach you how to deal with opposition. Who knows you may need this knowledge again, your homebirth may open your mind to ideas you never dreamed of. You may decide to breastfeed, homeschool, or develop a website for a cause- all would benefit from a confident, assertive person.
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